Unwanted touching by a stranger
Nov. 29th, 2010 02:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fallenpegasusThis past weekend, I went to a live showing of "The Clumsy Lovers" at a local venue, the Tractor.
As the show was going, one particular woman kept crossing back and forth the audience area, and every time she passed behind me, she would put her hand on my elbow or on the small of my back.
At first I thought she was just working her way through the crowd, but after the 3rd or so time it happened, I looked back quickly enough, and noticed that there was no "crowd", she was just specifically touching me as she passed.
She did it a couple more times, even as I tried to avoid it, until I finally ended up standing or sitting with my back to walls and pillars, so that nobody could come up behind me.
When I mentioned it to a friend who also was there, he asked "she cute?". No, she wasn't, and that should be beside the point anyway.
If we gender-flip the situation, if I as a man kept touching and following one particular uninterested woman there, she would have rightly made a fuss, and the bouncer would have ejected me. But as things were and are, there was nothing at all to be gained by me doing anything other than keeping my back to the wall, and being glad that my long heavy oilskin trenchcoat was keeping my skin covered and protected.
As the show was going, one particular woman kept crossing back and forth the audience area, and every time she passed behind me, she would put her hand on my elbow or on the small of my back.
At first I thought she was just working her way through the crowd, but after the 3rd or so time it happened, I looked back quickly enough, and noticed that there was no "crowd", she was just specifically touching me as she passed.
She did it a couple more times, even as I tried to avoid it, until I finally ended up standing or sitting with my back to walls and pillars, so that nobody could come up behind me.
When I mentioned it to a friend who also was there, he asked "she cute?". No, she wasn't, and that should be beside the point anyway.
If we gender-flip the situation, if I as a man kept touching and following one particular uninterested woman there, she would have rightly made a fuss, and the bouncer would have ejected me. But as things were and are, there was nothing at all to be gained by me doing anything other than keeping my back to the wall, and being glad that my long heavy oilskin trenchcoat was keeping my skin covered and protected.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-29 10:45 pm (UTC)There are bouncers who will laugh this crap off. If you find that to be the case, approaching their partner and then the on-site manager is the ideal solution.
So:
1) Address the issue with the person who's touching you without your consent. Be polite, but be clear that you want them to stop.
2) Approach the bouncers.
3) Approach management.
If the bouncers and management are unwilling to address the issue, then that's not a safe club - some aren't - and it's up to you to decide what measures you want to take to end the situation. Most easily, avoiding the club works, but if you're wanting to still attend a broken club, bringing friends, using direct eye contact and squared (hands at sides) body language with the party who's causing the problem, and - if the club and state laws permit - taking their picture can go a long way to reducing issues.